Then I waited for the smoke to fill my lungs and suffocate my pain away...

I'm really starting to wish I had the capacity to shake this off. I just can't seem to get a hold of it and I can't take this right now...there's too much else going on that I'm allowing myself to get stressed about. I think the most frustrating part is that it's not even what you'd think it's about. It has nothing to do with it, in fact. But my mind keeps almost convincing me that it is that. I don't care how often I have to fight it, I'm not letting it get the better of me. I'm so sick of being afraid of a fear that I know won't even come true....and you'd think "well just get over it then" but it's so incredibly hard. I feel that if I don't think about it all the time, it'll never go away....almost like as if I'm compelled to worry. Sometimes I feel so angry and I think I'll be resentful for the rest of my life....but I'm not a resentful person, it's just not me. =/

I don't know why I always write about this sort of depressing stuff...I guess it just helps to get it out there and written down somewhere. No one reads this blog anyway so I'm actually typing to myself, haha.